Friday Dec 1 It's been a tough couple of weeks for mom ... and we are down at the ER for the 3rd time. Nothing life threatening at the moment and if not for the fact that all the clinics and doctors offices were closed right now we might not have had to come. But this mysterious neck pain that started last week has caused all kinds of trouble. Without heavy duty pain meds she is in unbearable pain (believe me I have tried all the things) and now we are having some unpleasant side effects. Surprise!! Docs cannot figure out what's wrong with her neck and say we just need to manage the pain until neck/spine specialist can be seen and unfortunately everyone is on holiday right now. She will go into rehab tomorrow where they will be able to help figure this out and get her back on track. Meantime I don't mind telling you I am *so* tired. The pain wakes her up at night and she calls out to me. Poor mama... it has been so frustrating not to be able to take it away. So I lean on my spiritual tools and most times it's the only thing getting me through. Except today...Those tools weren't really enough when I realized we had to go to the ER again after only a sketchy 4hrs of sleep.
That's when I leaned on my love @Andrea for the 1000th time. She asked me if I wanted her to go with us this time and in my head I was like: *YES* but no way I wanted to take away a very rare day off for her. She saw my face and said "it's ok- i just wanted to read today anyway." While she has been here she has not cracked a book and has been doing nothing but helping every step of the way.
It's lucky this holiday is an exercise in giving thanks. The spirit of the holiday has been a comfort to us. I have *so much* to be thankful for and I try to focus on that as much as I can. It is already a daily practice.for me... but that practice gets even more crucial when life gets harder.
Like even in the middle of all this, mom was able to pull herself together and went to Thanksgiving dinner. She really wanted to go and it lifted her spirits. I was seeing her smile for the first time in a while and she said her pain level was good. Amazing how that works! I dont think I can fully express how much it meant to me to have her at the TG table with some of my Fayetteville hearttribe.
Like when i am so frustrated and tired ~ I can so easily picture the day she is not on this earth anymore and how I will wish for one more moment ... and I know I will think with a special fondness of the days she rode around in the car with me in Fayetteville loving all the fall colors. Those thoughts engulf me with deep grief ~ so I stop and I look at her right then with that big picture awareness and sigh with relief that she is still here.
Like how so many times during the course of our day yesterday dear ones kept showing us love. Every time I turned around someone different was sitting with mom, talking to her or helping her with something, so beautiful and so real.
And now in the ER @Andrea my love has given her day off to keep me from being here alone. How did I get so lucky and so blessed ♡ ?? HOW I TELL YA!!! ??? All the way around. Mama doesn't want pictures of her posted so I honor that. I will keep.you updated. Love y'all ♡